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“You can face your fears, you can learn and grow – and you can have the time of your life doing it, too. You can go from being an armchair adventurer to the heroine of your own story and you don’t need a personality transplant or a sudden windfall to do it. You don’t even need to do anything crazy (unless you discover, as I did, that you really kind of want to). All you need is some nerve.” – Patty Chang Anker
Patty Chang Anker is not adventurous by nature. While other kids were out climbing trees and skinning knees, she was inside reading books about people climbing trees and skinning knees. (“I guess I was more of an armchair kid.”) That, plus a Chinese-American fear of failure and losing face is how she grew up never really learning how to ride a bike, do a handstand, or dive into a swimming pool. And why she started blogging "Facing Forty Upside Down" three days after turning 39. The mother of two and a yoga teacher, Patty realized she couldn’t expect her children and students to go outside their comfort zone if she wasn’t willing to do it herself.
“We don’t let our kids ‘opt out’ of trying new things and we don’t let them give up if it doesn’t come to them easily. I realized I was giving myself a free pass to say ‘I’m too busy or tired to do that’ when what I really was, was scared.” Patty started doing, writing, and talking about the things that frighten her, and "Facing Forty Upside Down" was born. It soon became apparent that she was not alone, and that many in midlife are searching for ways to live bigger, braver lives.
Patty is a Good Housekeeping Magazine “Blogger We Love” and was voted a Top 25 Funny Mom at Circle of Moms. Her writing has also been featured in The Huffington Post, iVillage, and Audrey Magazine. Her media appearances include a live interview on Martha Stewart Living Radio “Morning Living.”
Patty’s first book, "Some Nerve: Lessons Learned While Becoming Brave" – an inspiring look at how ordinary people face their fears – was published by Riverhead Books in 2013. "Some Nerve" draws on Patty’s interviews with teachers, therapists, coaches, and clergy to impart both practical advice and profound wisdom. Through her own journey and the stories of dozens of others (many of whom she helped to triumph over common fears), she conveys with humor and infectious exhilaration the most vital lesson of all: Fear isn’t an end point, but the point of entry to a life of incomparable joy.
Patty is a former Director of Media Relations for The New York Times and veteran book publicist for W.W. Norton, Taunton Press and Basic Books. Her campaigns include the Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times series “How Race is Lived in America.”
She currently writes the “Some Nerve” blog at PsychologyToday.com and is a certified yoga teacher, Thai Yoga Bodyworker, and Reiki practitioner who believes in the power of yoga to uplift and heal. She is certified in prenatal yoga and yoga for children with special needs, and is a sought-after teacher, workshop and retreat leader. Her work has appeared in magazines and websites from Marie Claire to iVillage.
Thankfully, Patty does not have a fear of public speaking and loves motivating people to live fuller, more joyful lives. Although she does still have a fear of clowns.
Patty lives in a village north of New York City with her husband and two daughters.
Videos
Speech Topics
How to Get a Friend to Face a Fear
One Small Step
Many people say they don’t have time or energy to face a fear. It’s a hop, skip and jump from there to the belief “it’s too late. I’ll never learn.” One small step, though, is all it takes to see the potential we have for change. In three seconds, a person can put their face in the water, in ten steps dive off a diving board. In one minute you can propose a toast, in two you can cross a tightrope. In an afternoon – which would otherwise spend doing what? – you can learn to ride a bike. In a matter of minutes you can dispel a lifetime of fear. So why don’t more people do it? In this talk, Patty addresses the emotional fears that hold us back, shows how to remove the obstacles we put in our own way, and shines a path to the one small step each of us can take that could lead to a whole new life.
Facing Forty Upside Down: Making Changes in Midlife
Patty went from a decade-long career in public relations to a decade of full time parenting and teaching yoga to becoming a professional writer and blogger. She features stories of midlife change at Facing Forty Upside Down and can speak to the challenges and rewards experienced by those who do.
The Biggest Smile of Your Life (Or, "I Can't Believe This is Me!")
When was the last time you did something you thought you couldn’t do? When you did something completely out of character? That was probably when you smiled the biggest smile of your life. For Patty, the biggest surprise of facing her fears was how often it led directly to pure, unadulterated joy. “I had expected to feel terrified and miserable while doing the thing I feared and then relieved when it was over. I didn’t expect to feel terrified and happy at the same time!” In watching adults learn to ride a bike, tread water, drive a car, and give a speech, Patty saw again and again how the thrill of the unknown, pride, and accomplishment filled people with a sense of being alive. Sometimes, this requires shedding an old story in order to try something new. A daughter of Chinese immigrants, Patty can speak to how one’s genes, upbringing, culture, and history can shape one’s views but how much power we have to become the heroines of our own stories going forward.
Quieting the Greek Chorus of Perpetual Doubt
The Greek Chorus Patty carries in her head includes her Chinese immigrant mother, her P.E. teacher, and all the popular girls from college. That’s a lot of noise in there! Patty shows how to quiet the negative thoughts that can subvert your ability to perform at your best and enjoy life to the fullest, with techniques used by therapists, coaches, teachers and yogis.
Stand Up! Speak Up!
A good thing about growing up with Tiger Parents is that Patty was expected at a young age to recite Chinese poetry for company. She also grew up seeing how differently immigrants were treated depending on whether they were outspoken or shy. A media and public relations professional and a member of Toastmasters International, Patty speaks powerfully to the importance of conveying the messages that matter to you, and gives valuable techniques for working through stage fright.
Becoming Brave (Or, What Are You Afraid Of?)
By facing her own fears and helping others to face theirs, Patty can speak passionately to how common everyday fears can limit our lives and what people can do to overcome them. Fears for discussion: Aging, Becoming Boring, Biking, Bullies, Chaos, Clutter, Control (loss of), Crime, Death, Driving, Exercise, Failure, Flying, Getting hurt, Heights, Letting go, Looking dumb, Math, Nature (mosquitoes, bats, sharks, the list goes on), P.E., Pleasure, Public Speaking, Public toilets, Rejection, Roller coasters, Success, Surfing, Tubing, Unemployment, Unknown, Water, Writing. And Wedgies.
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